~social-distortion

for molly you've prolly read these bmper stickers but anyway...

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory

Very funny Scotty; now beam down my clothes

Despite The Cost Of Living, Have You Noticed How It Remains So Popular?

Diplomacy Is Saying “Nice Doggy” Until You Find A Rock

Do I look like a freakin' People Person?

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

Do not put a question mark where God put a period.

Don't Be Sexist - Bitches Hate That

Don't drink to drown your sorrow. Sorrow knows how to swim.

Don't f*** with my head and I won't think with my dick!

Don't let schooling get in the way of your education.
Don't make me go medieval on you.

Don't play stupid with me... I'm better at it!

Don't start with me you won't win!

Due to budget cuts, light at end of tunnel will be out.

Dyslexics of the world, untie!

E. coli Happens

EARTH FIRST - We'll log the other planets later.

Earth Is The Insane Asylum For The Universe
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway

Elvis Is Dead And I’m Not Feeling Too Good Myself
Everyone Is Entitled To My Opinion

Everything Is Somewhere.
Everytime you speak you make someone dumber for listening to you.

Faster than a speeding ticket.

First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, and then the suffering...
Five days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.

Follow your dreams, except the one where you’re at school in your underwear.

God Must Love Stupid People, He Made So Many

Grow Your Own Dope, Plant A Man

Have you bitch slapped an environmentalist today?
Have you ever had deja vu? Have you ever had deja vu??
Have you ever noticed how nothing is impossible for those who don't have to do it?
.
He’s Not Dead, He’s Electroencephalographically-Challenged

Hey man, you live in America now... speak Spanish!
High beams were made to piss people off!
Hogwarts Dropout

House Guarded By Shotgun 3 Days A Week. Guess Which Days.

I believe the Internet is an information source, not a lifestyle choice.
I brake for no apparent reason.

i can resist everything except temptation.

I don't decaf
I don't do mornings.
I don't do requests.

I Get Enough Exercise Just Pushin’ My Luck

I have PMS and a handgun. Any Questions??

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.
I just love nonverbal communication!

I like you but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic particles.

I may have PMS, but you're still a dick!!

I pretend to work they pretend to pay me!

I took a pain pill. Why are you still here?

I was an atheist until I realized I was GOD.
I Was Born Brilliant; Education Ruined Me

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

I would give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

If At First You Don't Succeed ... Blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.

If Clinton is the answer, it must have been a stupid question.

If love is blind why is lingerie so popular?

If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?
If We All Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?

If you are feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
If you are reading this you are reading off a gay internet site...

If your gonna be a turd then go lie out in the yard.

Illiterate? Write For Free Help

I'm looking forward to regretting this!

I'm the kind of person my parents want me to stay away from.

Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your kids!

It could be worse. What if sex was fattening?
It doesn't matter what temperature a room is; it's always room temperature.

It's a Macintosh; it's got an excuse.

It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
It's bad luck to be superstitious.

Its not that i'm afraid to die. I just don't wanna be there when it happens.

It's time to pull over and let the air out of your brain.
I've been dieting for the past month, but all I lost was 31 days!!

I've upped my standards, now up yours!

Join the IRS (Be audit you can be)

Kids in the backseat cause accidents.... accidents in the backseat cause kids.

Learn from your parent's mistakes use birth control!

Life is 10% what you make it and 90% how you take it.
Life is a glitch in the universal program; death is just the programmer's way of debugging.
Life is a lesson you'll learn it when you're through.
Life is a terminal disease.

Live as long as you like. It won't shorten how long you're dead.

Love is grand. Divorce is a hundred grand.
LSD melts in your mind, not in your hands.
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

My boss treats me like a mushroom; He feeds me shit, and keeps me in the dark.

My child was inmate of the month at the County Jail.
My favorite color is chocolate.
My god can beat up your god

My Kid Had Sex With Your Honor Student
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

Never judge a girl by her bumper sticker.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.

No prohibiting allowed!

Nobody's ugly after 2 a.m.!

Nothing Is Foolproof To A Sufficiently-Talented Fool

Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most!
Oh look! just 2,852,677 more days til i start caring what you think.

Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?

Out Of My Mind; Back In Five Minutes

Plagiarism is copying from one source; research is copying from two or more.

Please Tell Your Pants It's Not Polite To Point.
Please! do not feed the ego!

Pol-I-Tics poli meaning many, ticks meaning small blood sucking parasites.
Practice safe government. Use kingdoms.
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.

Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
Rap Is To Music What Etch-A-Sketch Is To Art

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
Reality is a figment of your imagination.

RELISH TODAY...KETCHEUP TOMORROW

Save the planet recycle an environmentalist.
Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.
Save The Whales. Collect The Whole Set
Save Your Breath – You’ll Need It To Blow Up Your Date!

Sex is a misdemeanor . . .the more I miss it, the meaner I get!!

So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time

Squirrel...it's what's for dinner.

Suburbia: Where they cut down all the trees and then name streets after them.

Support bacteria! It's the only culture some people have.

Support yogurt, it's the only culture some people have.

T.G.I.F Thank God I'm Female.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

The Second Place Is The First Loser

There are only two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead!!!!

To err is human; to forgive is not Company Policy.

Too many freaks, not enough circus's!

Turn Signals: Not just for smart people anymore.

Vegetarian: Indian word for BAD HUNTER!

WARNING: DATES ON CALENDAR ARE CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR.
WARNING: mental backup in progress.

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

We are the people our parents warned us about.

What If There Were No Hypothetical Questions?

WHAT WOULD SCOOBY DO!

When all else fails, lower your standards.
When blondes have more fun, do they know it?

When i want your opinion i'll beat it out of you.
When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.

Where in the nursery rhyme does say that Humpty Dumpty is an egg?

Who died and made YOU Darth Vader?.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be impossible?

Why did God give beauty queens one more brain cell than horses? So they wouldn't shit on stage.

Why do they call it a bumper if your not going to use it?
Why do we believe everything we see in newspapers but question what the Bible says?

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of death, I will fear no evil, for I am the meanest son of a bitch in the valley.

Yesterday I knew nothing today I know that.

You can pick your nose and pick your friends, but you can't wipe your friends on the couch.
You can't be late until you show up.

You Have The Right To Remain Silent. Anything You Say Will Be Misquoted And Used Against You

You just lived your best moment, now GO live another!
You know your getting older when Happy Hour is a nap.


(p.s horny mood is joke with friend)

toodles my noodles